Thursday, October 29, 2009

Fresh tumor! 7:01 PM

I'm excited today, over a totally wrong reason to be excited about. We got a fresh tumor!

It was also a little bit of luck... okay more than a little. We had just finished lab meeting and were walking back to the lab. I recall being the last to talk during the meeting and desperately wanting to talk faster cos my bladder felt like it was going to burst. So it was a miracle I decided to go back to lab to put my stuff down before going to the bathroom. Just as I entered the lab, I heard the phone ring. It sounded like it had been ringing for a while and no one was around to pick it up because of the meeting. I decided what the hell, let it ring a while longer, I need to pee badly... then I immediately felt bad because no one else was free enough to pick it up. So I decided to pick it up.

Even before I picked it up, I saw where the call was from.. I had a hunch, I definitely would not regret picking this call up. And I was right, there was a fresh tumor from the OT. They needed someone to pick it up. And its strange really.. usually when they call, its tumors other than the type I work on. But today, I just had a hunch it would be the kinda tumor that I want....

Caller: Hi is Mike there? (sounding rather urgent)

Me: No he's not, but I can take a message. (I don't usually take a message because I'm too lazy but because I have a hunch I decided to be nice hehe)

Caller: Okay, can you tell him we got fresh tissue?

Me, starting to grasp the urgency of the situation: Sure. What kind of tumor is it? (I also don't usually ask what kinda tumor it was but because I had a hunch I decided to be a busybody)

Caller: Its a p*******c.

Me, barely able to contain my excitement: GREAT! I'll let them know right away!

Now that I think back about it, I was so excited it was obscene.. I mean, a kid was lying in the OT with her head open (okay, not really a kid this time, more like a teenager), and I was so freakin excited about the tumor they just removed from her brain because I was praying it had the property I wanted.. I mean, on my defense, if it does, I can help a lot of other kids in the same situation. But as the day wore on, I just felt worse and worse thinking about how horrible it must be for her and her family, learning that she had a brain tumor, and only just finding out its not really malignant. I mean, good for her. But she still gotta go through rounds of radio and chemo on her brain to get rid of it.. but at least there's a high chance she will survive.

I remember for the past few days, I was so frustrated with my project I kept bugging Mike and my post doc asking them how often do the tumors I work on come by, I desperately need to create a cell line with the property I want. I mean, I don't even know if this one has the property yet but I am already so excited about it. It almost feels like my prayers were answered.. because these tumors come by very rarely, about 2 or 3 times each year. And this year I heard there were already 3. The latest was only recently, but the pathologist fixed the tumor with paraffin before we could get our hands on it so we couldn't even make a cell line with it or even check if it has the property. The boss went crazy when he found out. And I was also rather lucky because if I had not picked up the phone at that moment, if I decided to go to the bathroom, they might have decided to freeze the tumor, which means we won't be able to make a cell line of it.

I know it all sounds rather obscene how excited I am about another person's misfortune.. I am also yoyo-ing between extreme excitement and extreme guilt about feeling excited over someone else's pain. This might make or break my project!!!!

PS I know I said I won't talk about work any more.. but this is too exciting. In any case I blanked out essential words in the text because of sensitivity.. in case anyone decides to google and find out what I'm working on.. I'm getting too close to be scooped!

PPS It's halloween tomorrow and the classmates are semi-forcing me to dress up so I will go as the easiest I can think of, other than being a Singaporean girl, that is, Cindy Lou of the Grinch! Heehee. Maybe I will take pictures.. we're going to hang out at Kihyuck's place.

PPPS just a short note.. isn't being a translational scientist the perfect job? You get the excitement of like a doctor but without the extreme stress and without having to look at blood... well most of the time anyway. The tumors generally come in a soup of something with definitely some blood inside.. and when you hold it its still warm, straight from the brain. :/

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Fall 9:31 PM

I remember last week I was looking at the leaves turn red, marveling at how pretty it was, the shades of pink, red, orange coloring the landscape. I thought to myself, this weekend I will find time to take pictures of the trees. This beautiful sight.

This morning, as I was on my way to work, the merciless rain fell, as it had for the past few days. The only difference was, this time, it fell with the beautiful leaves. The leaves were no longer a bright hue of red. They were turning brown. They were falling from the trees. Fall is not going to wait for me. I wanted to kick myself for not finding a chance to take the pictures earlier this week. Will the leaves all be gone by this weekend? Time waits for no one.

I was in a bad mood the entire past week. Its like this itch. I know there's something missing in my life. I just don't know what it is. Like an itch you can never scratch. Then I talked to Jackie and we started analysing why I was feeling like this. Why my life is so monotonous and filled with work, sleep, work, sleep, seems so busy, yet also so empty. And why I'm so frustrated by it. I think we sorta came to a conclusion as to why. I think I sorta came to a conclusion. I duno if its more frustrating that I cannot do anything about it, or I cannot write about it here. But I guess at least, now, even though I cannot scratch that itch, I know where it is. Its not like the kinda itch that just itches from the inside out and you can never find where it itches most thats just so frustrating! That was me earlier this week. It was a series of unfortunate events that started that itch, beginning from a bad dream. Then it just kept growing. Is it a sign from the higher ups? I need some change in my life.

As I go about my daily life, doing the same thing over and over again, day in day out. I am the same me, but the seasons keep changing around me. I feel hollowed out, this emptiness emanating from the inside. I know if I don't do something, time will past me by, the opportunity will go. But the most frustrating thing is, I can do nothing about it. Maybe I just don't have the courage to change. Maybe I don't have the right to change. Maybe I need to wait for other people to come change my life. Maybe I desperately want other people to come change my life. But maybe I have no right to. How many Falls do I have to go through before I see Spring again?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

100th anniversary! 8:13 PM

This marks the 100th post I've made to this blog!! YAY HURRAY! clap clap.

Nothing much is going on in my life right now. I'm so bored I can explode.. or maybe in this case implode. I'm going crazy thinking about nonsense because I have nothing better else to do. I try to expend my energy by working out but that didnt work for long cos I got so exhausted I crashed on my bed after a while. I need some excitement in my life! Other than work that is. That is the one thing that is taking up too much of my life.. that I really need time off of, and need to relax from.. But of cos.. no talking about it here...

Anyway, I recently discovered this blog.. Its a good read! For me at least.. maybe because the writer is so similar to me.. we're the same age, at the same phase in our lives, experiencing the same things, hell we're even the same height. Okay except maybe she's prettier than me, and skinnier. Blarh. Oh and she's from Malaysia. I forgot where I got to know about this blog already.. but I like it cos she thinks a lot like me la. Sometimes reading it makes me feel a little better about my life cos someone out there is experiencing the same stuff as me. Hah fourfeetnine is the nickname she uses. Shit now u all know my height.. on my driving license I made the MVA (Maryland Vehicle Authority) lady put down four feet ten inches okay... make myself feel a little better.


Sorry this is a pretty nonsense post but I am feeling so frustrated now. Argh got a lot of conflicting emotions that I cannot write here because of the people who read it. But one thing I can though.. is a pretty superficial frustration.. hahaaa I WANNA GO UK TO VISIT JING AND JA AFTER MY ORALS!! Phew got that out. But the problem is, I will take 2 weeks off before my orals to study and then if I take a week off after that to rest, and my parents and brother are coming over the week of christmas (my orals are on the 2nd of december) I need to take the christmas week off too... HOW TO TELL MY BOSS!!! BUT I SO BADLY WANNA GO! If I don't go now, they will be back in Singapore before I know it and I have no chance to visit them already! Plus add to that I'm planning to go back home for CNY so anytime around that period cannot also.. not to mention its more ex to buy air tickets to the UK from Singapore than here. WHAT SHOULD I DO?? Or should I just settle for going to Cali to visit my cousin?? But that I can do any time!!!! Urghhh

Saturday, October 24, 2009

How do I look 9:20 PM

In collaboration with the Dove Love Yourself Day, I decided to force everybody to read everything about me and see all my pictures and of course, tell me you love me! Wahaha!! HEY DON'T RUN AWAY LEH!


Okay restart. You know how I was saying Mike the old man and Eric the post doc kept making fun of the clothes I wear and how I look, then I decided to start wearing nice stuff to work and make sure my hair is brushed and everything right.. I also decided to take a pic every morning before I go to work to let whoever is interested see and tell me if its a BAD BAD outfit or maybe, you know, tell me it looks great! I love compliments.. and okay.. I also sort of think I dress pretty decently if I try. Plus isn't it nice and also some sort of encouragement if I know I'm dressing for whoever wants to see these pictures and not just whoever I see in lab? I mean, when I think of the old man and the few middle aged post docs there I don't really feel the urge to dress up also.. wahaha so help me out here okay! So here goes!

Oops.. flash too bright..

How's this for a rehearsal.. this is NOT the outfit I wore to work.. I repeat.. this is NOT a work outfit. This is just a phototaking rehearsal.. I wore this out to go grocery shopping and for a dinner outing. So it was no biggie k..
I think this mirror kinda sucks.. its the mirror on my bathroom door.. and because this is a 1920s building, the mirror is kinda corroded away or something.. it has a film of something on it, and then I think a coat was sprayed on or something but I never managed to clean it away.

So I decided to use another mirror.. this one is actually more flattering haha.. and yes I did not make my bed again =.=

This was a half body shot... not the most perfect one but I was still trying.. told u this is a rehearsal... heehee..

Hallo this is me! Say hi!

This is me on my webcam! I look so retarded..
Hmm... should I get braces??? I just realized that orthodontics will be subsidized 50% by my dental insurance!! YIPPEE!!! Should I should I?? But its gonna be soo painful and I duno how to cook porridge :(

Talking about porridge.. this most interesting encounter with this old lady as I was in line at Giant buying groceries today..

She was this really chatty old lady.. kept trying to talk to me.. but I don't usually like making small talk to strangers cos I'm so bad at it.. but she's pretty persistant..

So when it was my turn to put my groceries on the belt, I started putting my potato chips, my oreos, my diet coke blah blah.. and then I put the divider on the belt and she started putting her stuff.. her organic honey, her organic nuts, her organic vegetable, her organic hummus blah blah..

Then she took one look at my stuff and she started saying, "You know, I like to eat healthy. That is why I got this honey.. I always use honey instead of sugar. I also like nuts, hummus. Its really good! I believe god gave me a healthy body so I really should take care of it. Some people live to eat, I think its obvious I eat to live," (laughs and continues), "Look at me, can you tell I'm 61? Most people don't think I am. That is because I am really healthy. Look at my arms, I have muscles because I lift weights! I think god had been really good to me so I will take good care of my body. I hope to live to be 150 years old. I think I can do it, who knows!"

I just nod and smile... and I guess she took that as encouragement cos she continues, "You know, young women like you, of childbearing age, its especially important. When you eat well, your baby will be healthy. When you don't the baby will not. AND yes breast milk! It is the best thing in the world to feed your baby! Don't let your baby drink cow milk because God gave us breast milk for a reason right?"

I was starting to panic.. praying that the cashier work faster please.. I can't wait to get out of here...

Finally it was my turn to pay.... and yet she didn't give up. As a parting shot, she showed me this muffin she had in her paper bag and whispered, "I wanted to get chocolate muffin.. its my favourite. But I decided to be good and get blueberry low fat." Then she smiled.

I walked away from the counter feeling more than a little guilty at what I'm holding in my grocery bags... damn this old lady :( maybe I really won't live to be 150 years old after all

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I am bo liao 3:24 PM

So this is gonna be crap let me warn you. But I'm currently super obsessed with this Taiwan drama (what's new) called 敗犬女王, and as can be expected, I'm infatuated with the actor because its the 2nd drama that I'm super obsessed with that he was the male lead of. The first one was 命中注定我愛你. Ya I know very corny sounding names :/

敗犬女王

命中注定我愛你

So anyway Jackie Chan is my default entertainment news provider now and she was always telling me about the latest gossip and what are the latest hottest dramas to watch out for.. and one day she told me that the lead actor Ethan Ruan actually had Mongolian blood and he looks really like a Mongolian. She said she once watched a show that interviewed a group of Mongolians and every single one of them looked like him... I don't really know if there's a typical Mongolian look since I've never met a single Mongolian in my whole life but I heard the ladies are pretty hot. So I decided to google Mongolians and I was right.. the ladies were hot! But guess what Jackie was right too! O.M.G.

How Ethan looks like:
LOL sorry couldn't resist.. oooh so hot!!! Hahaha he's also a model which I guess sorta explains this pic.

Okay now how Ethan really looks like:

And how a Mongolian I randomly googled and found looks like:
Guy to the right please. Check out the slit-eyes, high nose bridge, prominent cheek bones, small mouth... if you shave this guy and shape his eyebrows and dress him in a white suit... TADAA you have Ethan! OMG I can't believe this.. I need to fly to Mongolia to find myself a bridegroom NOW!


P.S...
Look out for the latest hot manga-adapted drama Momo Love! Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4 or 5, but a total of SIX hotties and 1 very lucky girl acting in it.
Yup 6 hotties is right cos the poor Singaporean guy acting in it I don't consider a hottie sorry.. you might be a 'national treasure' but in this show you're pretty much a loser :/
The storyline might sound a little incestous BUT WHO CARES the guys are so hot! The hottest brother of all Geofred or whatever weird English name these Taiwanese can come up with is actually 193cm!!! Wayyy out of my league :( we will have trouble kissing.. even if I wear heels.. Nah.. give you okay Jackie? As long as the other guy in the weird band called Farenheit is mine.. (forgot his name).

Oh and another drama I'm watching is this one called Black and White:
OMG GOT MY ZAI ZAI!!! Okay now you know how old I am.. he was my childhood sweetheart okay.. and apparently this show and the above 敗犬女王 won the most awards in some Taiwanese entertainment award or something.. at least zai zai kept his shape.. unlike Ken Zhu... so disappointed in him... his face looks like a mooncake now wahaha :/
Apparently the guy costarring with zai zai is some Chinese Canadian hottie.. the most interesting thing is he's actually acting with his daddy in this show! His daddy is acting as his superior in the police force.. how odd is that! Anyway Jackie likes him more I like my zai zai more.. so no conflict of interest again. :D

For more Taiwanese entertainment and drama, please visit http://sugoideas.com/! Its where I get all my Asian drama fix!

Next up on my list.. Korean drama with Yoon Eun Hye (spelt right?). Forgot the name.. must have something to do with Queen as well.. but heard its cool. ^^

pps: Do I sound like a boy crazy teenager :/ no dont tell me I dont really wanna know the answer!!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Half day! 3:00 PM

Today is a half day! It was the official christening of the building and we were not supposed to hang around while the billionaires who donated money to the building toured it, so I happily went home heehee. So happy.

Anyway, I have decided that its not a good idea to write too much about work. So I will refrain from talking about my work here from now on. Its hard, since now my entire life is almost consumed by work, but I'll try.

So let me talk about what I'm really busy with the past few days, non work related. That is, shopping for a new winter coat!!! :)
The weather turned cold really suddenly and lazy me left my old winter coats uncleaned, so I probably need to bring them to the dry cleaners this weekend. Blarh. In the mean time, I decided I gotta try to look more fashionable in lab, i.e. no more old tshirts, cos the post docs and techs made fun of my funny threadless tees every chance they get :( bye bye comfy tshirts hello fancy shirts.

I guess its not that I don't like looking pretty, its just too much of a hassle to have to think of what to wear every morning. Guess I'll have to plan in advance every night now. But frankly, its not really hard because at least its enjoyable. The one thing, if any, I like about the cold season, is the clothes. Maybe I was too deprived in Singapore but some of the winter coats and scarves and caps are just so pretty! I can't help but like dressing up during the cold season hehee.

So I started flipping through fashion mags and youtube for any Fall 09 trends on coats and I decided I really like the loose fitting high waisted coats that are all the rage this season, but I need something that is also rather classic so I can continue wearing it after this year. So no plaid. But also maybe no black, cos all my winter coats are black. So I was thinking grey.. classic, yet not OTT. But then this PERFECT coat had to show up, in only the colors BLACK or RED! Argh...

Judge for me you people... should I get this or not..


HAI its nice right?? Btw its so hard to find a coat for me, something not too long so it makes me look like a dwarf, yet not so short it doesnt cover my butt so my butt freezes... I used to look under petite until I realized my size is not classified under Petites, but Juniors. FML.

Okay.. time to take a nap.. hope I wake up in time for Ugly Betty tonight! :)

Monday, October 5, 2009

Nobel 6:07 PM

This morning Wj called to wake me up at 7am with the news... Carol Greider won the Nobel Prize! At that point he didn't know that she once gave us a lecture.. maybe it was 2 lectures. Hmm.. I wasn't too excited initially. Who would be, being woken up at 7am in the morning... when I was still trying to pretend I don't have to get up for work/thinking up sleepy excuses to skip work that day.

But as the day wore on, his excitement and the excitement of the people around me started to rub off on me. Woooh!! How many people can boast of being lectured by a Nobel Laureate BEFORE she became one... haha. Okay... I know its not me who won the Nobel prize. I'm just a little excited/inspired. I did the math. She's 48 this year.. she made the discovery 24 years ago.. that means she was MY AGE when she published that landmark paper! Woohoo! I can do it too! Shit.. not much time left.. gotta work harder...

And also, I learned that often, the ones who win the Nobel Prize are not the most highly cited ones.. I mean she was relatively highly cited but not the most.. but the ones who win are often the ones who elucidate some mechanism, discover some important gene/protein, that go on to be super important. I.e. basic science stuff. And I also learned that most of the most important discoveries are stumbled upon. They didn't set out to look for it. They were looking for something else and ended up stumbling upon something great. Not that you would know its great, until decades later when thousands of other people are working on it.

Thus I came up with the kahsuan postulates. To win the Nobel prize, it has to be a combination of wit, extreme luck, and of cos, the person winning it has to be important too. In English, we say, the stars have to be aligned. In Chinese, we say, 天时地利人和. First, you gotta be extremely lucky to stumble upon something great. Thus luck plays a great part. After you get lucky, THEN you gotta be smart enough to know you stumbled on something great. Mind you, this is important too! Not everyone can tell an important discovery from a mediocre one. Lastly, the person is important too. Of cos, as I was telling Jac, one of the hardest part of winning the Nobel Prize is having to survive long enough to win it. Because it is never awarded post-humously. How many people get such luck early in their life/scientific career to stumble upon something great and live long enough to see it utilized so often that they warrant a Nobel Prize? Not many!

Now I'm banking on my secret side project now.. wahaha.. I'm really excited about it, because its just so promising yet not many people are working on it yet.. a lot of the field left to be discovered! Hopefully I will get to have a piece of the pie! Shhhhhh... eh not that I think I will become a Nobel Laureate.. but one can always hope right? *slaps myself* kahsuan!! wake up!! you're here to do research, come up with cures and help people, not daydream about winning the nobel prize! Don't let greed corrupt you!!! Blah.

So anyway as I was telling Jac, the lady with the maggi mee hair who appeared so kindly as she lectured our group about telomeres is actually now a Nobel Laureate! Can you believe that?! She replied, "Its not very nice to say a Nobel Laureate has maggi mee hair lor!" But you know, thats actually the thing I remember most about her.. her maggi mee hair. Until I walked around the school today and this picture of her in her younger days holding up a silver blot was pasted all over the campus, and I realized she's actually a natural brunette. Walau! Nobel Laureate will also be vain enough to bleach her hair blonde leh!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Pre-fame Gaga 5:20 PM

I like her then-look so much more. But I guess to her producers, that just won't cut it. :( Hope she gets to be herself again some time soon!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

LADY GAGA ON SNL! 10:00 PM

To those who don't already know, I LOVE LADY GAGA!!!! At first it was her songs.. so catchy and so happy. And her looks, so funky and flashy. I know I know.. I should really mellow down with age. But I can't help it right.. its my inner self wanting to be flashy like her wahaha.

But today on SNL, I can't help but just wonder why. Why is she doing this to herself. She's a really nice girl. I can feel it. But she always has to dress up like a slut. Today she was wearing this totally horrible get up with like multiple metal rings around her while she danced and sang Love Game.. yet she's so amazingly talented. Beneath her heavy makeup, her bleached blond hair, her slutty clothes, she has such great talent. When she sat down at the grand piano and started playing and singing, her voice so beautiful, her fingers flying over the keyboard producing such great music. I was bowled over. It just made me wonder why she wanna hide all that and portray herself in such bad taste all the time.

And then when you think about it, she's only always like that when she's on stage singing. When she's not singing, when she's doing gigs and interviews and stuff, you can see that she totally doesn't behave like a slut. She's such a nice girl, maybe a little socially awkward. But nevertheless, she's so much more than the girl she makes us believe she is.

Just wanted everyone to know... it just made me love her more!!! I LOVE LADY GAGA! Hope she will showcase more of her amazing talent in the future :)

Welcome to the blog of 武林盟主. In this space of hers, she is entitled to and responsible for her own thoughts and comments. You are welcome to give your few cents worth in the tag, but do not force her to accept your thoughts should they differ from hers. If everyone thinks the same way we would all be robots no?

武林盟主 is this pugilistic genius everyone calls a deranged lunatic. But that's cos they haven't witnessed her great powers yet! She can be regarded as the best product coming from the Pugislistic World in the past 100 years, and 武當, 少林 and 峨嵋 are scrambling to get her to be their 掌门人. She likes think of herself as the next 杨过, 郭靖 or 张无忌.

武林盟主 also has this slightly straight slightly crooked sexuality. At times when the Estrogen triumphs, she preys on hot guys. Other times when the Testosterone levels peak, she preys on hot girls. Some say that is a side effect of the 葵花宝典. Her doctors are still working to establish that.

Many say she's invincible. But that's not true. Bring a DURIAN in front of her, and she will ditch her sword and raise the white flag. She's still desperately trying to master the 闭气功 so she can overcome this weakness.

She now resides in a tiny little room in a tiny little building in a tiny little university/hospital in the tiny little city of Baltimore, studying her tiny little life away in the hopes of getting some Permanent Head Damage. If you feel you can communicate at her level and wish for her to be your soulmate, feel free send her a note of pugilistic admiration and alliance!